Intentional Living

This is a poem written by Amy Carmichael, who was a missionary in India. It's a poem that haunts me and reminds me of the desparate need to preach the Gospel wherever I am.  

The tom-toms thumped straight on all night, and the darkness shuddered round me like a living, feeling thing. I could not go to sleep, so I lay awake and looked; and I saw, as it seemed, this:
That I stood on a grassy patch, and at my feet a ravine broke straight down into infinite space. I looked, but saw no bottom; only cloud shapes, black and furiously coiled, and great shadow-shrouded hollows, and unfathomable depths. Back I drew, dizzy at the depth.

Then I saw forms of people moving toward the edge. There was a woman with a baby in her arms and another little child holding on to her dress. She was on the very edge. She lifted her foot for the next step... Then, to my horror, I saw that she was blind. Before I could say anything she was over, and the children with her. Their cries pierced the air as they fell into the inky blackness of the ravine!

Then I saw more streams of people flowing from all quarters. All were blind, stone blind; all walked straight toward the edge. There were shrieks as they suddenly knew themselves falling, and a tossing up of helpless arms, catching, clutching at empty air. But some went over quietly, and fell without a sound.

Then I wondered, with a wonder that was sheer agony, why no one stopped them at the edge. I could not. I was glued to the ground, and I couldn't even yell; though I strained and tried, only a whisper would come out.

Then I saw that along the edge there were sentries set at intervals.

But the intervals were too large; there were wide, unguarded gaps between. And over these gaps the people fell in their blindness, unwarned; and the green grass seemed blood-red to me, and the ravine yawned like the mouth of hell.

Then I saw, like a little picture of peace, a group of people under some trees with their backs turned towards the ravine. They were making daisy chains. Sometimes when a piercing shriek cut the quiet air and reached them, it disturbed them and they thought it was a rather crude noise. And if one of their group started up and wanted to go and do something to help, then all the others would pull that one down. "Why should you get so excited about it? You must wait for a definite call to go! You haven't finished your daisy chain yet. It would be really selfish," they said, "to leave us to finish the work alone."

There was another group. It was made up of people whose great desire was to get more sentries out; but they found that very few wanted to go, and sometimes there were no sentries for miles and miles along the edge.

Once a girl stood alone in her place, waving the people back; but her mother and other relations called, and reminded her that her furlough was due; she must not break the rules. And being tired and needing a change, she had to go and rest for awhile; but no one was sent to guard her gap, and over and over the people fell, like a waterfall of souls. Once a child grabbed at a tuft of grass that grew at the very edge of the ravine; it clung convulsively, and it called - but nobody seemed to hear. Then the roots of the grass gave way, and with a cry the child went over, its two little hands still holding tight to the torn-off bunch of grass. And the girl who longed to be back in her gap thought she heard the little one cry, and she sprang up and wanted to go; at which her friends reproved her, reminding her that no one is necessary anywhere; "The gap would be well taken care of!", they said. And then they sang a hymn.

Then through the hymn came another sound like the pain of a million broken hearts wrung out in one full drop, one sob. And a horror of great darkness was upon me, for I knew that it was "The Cry of the Blood".

Then a voice thundered. It was the voice of the Lord, and He said, "What hast thou done? The voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto me from the ground."

The tom-toms still beat heavily, the darkness still shuddered and shivered about me; I heard the yells of the devil-dancers and weird, wild shrieks of the devil-possessed just outside the gate.

What does it matter, after all? It has gone on for years; it will go on for years. Why make such a fuss about it? God forgive us!

God arouse us! Shame us out of our callousness! Shame us out of our sin.


There are a lot of people who think that I'm doing an amazing thing in going to Africa. I'm not. If there's one thing I've learned this summer, it is that you have to live intentionally no matter where you're at. Going to Africa means nothing if I don't choose to live each and every moment fully surrendered to Christ and fully obedient to His voice. As I leave in 9 days (yikes!), I want to "make the most of every opportunity" by being intentional in conversations, loving well, being constant in prayer, and following the voice of the Holy Spirit. No matter where the Lord brings me in the coming years, I want to live intentionally... choosing to follow and obey Him with all of my heart.

9 days!!!     

Returning

As stated in my last blog post, the last few months, I have been aching to go back to Africa. Many times, I cried out to the Lord, begging Him to let me return soon. Somehow, I thought the answer would be "wait," but much to my surprise, He said, "Now!"

All this year, I had been planning to stay in Minnesota for the upcoming year, working, and paying off student loans. However, all the plans I had made started to crumble. Pretty soon, multiple opportunities started popping up: jobs in Minnesota, Iowa, Florida, and Africa. My prayer during this whole season was for the Lord to open and close doors as He willed. Once again, God showed Himself SO faithful, and it became clear that He was opening the door wide and clear for Africa.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

This next year, I will be teaching English as a Second Language at Kigali International School (http://isk-rwanda.org/) in Rwanda. I'll be working with students from 1st-8th grade. Rwanda is conveniently located right by Uganda, so I hope to visit the precious kids at Smile on my breaks.

isn't it beautiful?!

As much as I'm excited to be returning, I am also terrified. A year is a long time to be away from my home, my family, my friends, my church, and (lame as it is to admit it) my cute new puppy! (Check out this video by Kelly Martin to see just how cute she really is: https://vimeo.com/42816225) Trusting Jesus isn't always easy, but it truly is such an incredible adventure. Over and over again, I see that He more than enough for my every need. He satisfies and fulfills, and His grace is always sufficient. I know fully that this is a promise that I can cling to this year, and for the rest of my life for that matter. Thank you Jesus!

I'll be working up at Camp Shamineau this summer, and then heading to Rwanda in mid-August. I am so excited to see what the Lord is going to do this summer and this upcoming year in Rwanda. I would love for you guys to join me in this journey!    

    

Aching...

It's hard to believe that I have now been home for almost 5 months now. I thought that the ache would ease as time went on. I was wrong. Each day that passes is a day that puts more distance between me and the precious kids that I have come to love, and I ache for them more than I have ached for anything in my life. But I do hope that each day that passes brings me closer to going back again one day, Lord willing. I do sense all the more that the Lord is calling me to missions. I don't know when, where, or how, but I'm excited to see where He leads me in the coming years.

It's funny. A lot of the things the Lord taught me in Africa, He is now teaching me once again, only in a different context. As much as my heart longs to be in Africa, I know that God has me here for a reason. All over again, He is lovingly teaching me how to trust Him in new ways, love others through His strength, and to live as a missionary right here in Minnesota. It's been so awesome to see how He's opened up opportunities for ministry right here. The Lord is at work here, in Africa, and all over the world. We serve an awesome God.

I thought I would share some extra pictures and videos that I wasn't able to upload while in Africa. These videos still have the power to make me laugh and cry, and I hope that they bless you :)

Through the Wardrobe

So, I apologize beforehand, but this is going to be a lengthy blogpost... hopefully you guys can bear with me! I am now writing from America, and it is hard to believe that last week at this time, I was in Africa. It already feels so far away.

So, my time at the beach was absolutely wonderful! I had an amazing time reading books, spending time in the Word, journaling, taking long walks on the beach with the Lord, swimming in the ocean, and eating really good food :) It was such a blessing to have that time with Him where I had nothing but time to soak in His presence.

One day, as I was walking along the shore, a guy approached me and asked what I was doing. I was rather annoyed (as this had been about the 10th man that had approached me... confessing his love for me or asking for my contact information), but I told him that I was talking with God. Curious, he said, "So you are a Christian?" I told him I was, and he proceeded to ask me to tell him more about Christianity. Before I came to the beach, I had prayed that I would have opportunities to share the Gospel, and our God is so faithful... what a perfect opportunity He gave me! I shared the Gospel with him, and he seemed intrigued. He didn't have a Bible, and I just so happened to have an English/Swahili Bible on me, so I gave it to him. He left me right away to go read it. Once again, it's such a reminder to me that missions is everywhere I go... it's all about having a heart that's ready and willing to be used by Him. It's a great thing to be reminded of as I was about to head back to the States :)


my little hut that I stayed in!

 



some of my favorite things: Bible, journaling, the beach, and a bottle of pop :)



SO beautiful!! What an incredible reminder that we serve a God who is faithful and who fulfills ALL His promises!



the moon one night... pictures do not do it justice!



the view right outside my beach hut!

 

so this is me and the Lord on one of our many walks on the beach :) Haha, there were definitely Africans laughing at me when I took this picture... I don't even want to know what they thought!



the resort... such a beautiful place!

While at the resort, I had a lot of time to look back on my journals and reflect on what the Lord has taught  me these past 4 months. I know that the Lord will continue to reveal to me more of what He's taught me in Africa throughout the next months/years... but here are some of the major things that I have already learned from experience:

• Humility- I am weak, but God is strong and I must depend on Him for His strength. 1 Corinth. 3:7 is my theme verse for the past months: "Neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who makes things grow." I must be faithful in planting and watering, but trust God to make things grow... and to give Him all the glory when things do grow!
• In order to love my neighbor as myself, I must give of my time, energy, and money.
• Hospitality is a means through which the Lord works powerfully.
• I need Christ to love through me. I need to see each person as a person for whom Christ died, and I am to love them as such.
• Loving Jesus comes first. Serving Him comes second and as a result of my love for Him.
• Missions is everywhere. All I need to do is have a heart that's willing and obedient to whatever He asks of me.
• In order to further the Gospel, I have to forfeit my "rights"... "rights" to a warm shower, to having clean clothes, to have my own personal space, etc.
• Overall, I have just fallen so much more in love with Jesus, and I am ever learning what it looks like to have a heart that is completely taken up with the realities of who He is and eyes that are captured by His majesty.

The plane ride back was long and tiring, but on the positive side, I had a 6-hour layover in Amsterdam, so I took a little boat tour of the city! Who knew that Amsterdam was a little Venice?! It was beautiful, but definitely a stark contrast to African culture. All of a sudden, people on the streets didn't ask me how my family, my home, and my life was. Actually, eye contact was completely avoided. And instead of paying the equivalent of 25 cents for a pop, I had to pay about $4.00 for a pop (Amsterdam is ridiculously expensive).

so charming, isn't it?

all the architecture reminded me of Orange City :) Our own little Dutch town in the middle of America!

It was such a happy moment to be met at the airport by my wonderful parents and to spend the weekend with some of my amazing friends. It's actually been a rather easy transition... I feel like I've been in America forever. But every once and a while, I am just overcome... with ache for Africa and the kids there, with the realization of how incredibly blessed I am, or with a disgust of some of the luxuries that we have in America. Last night, I was just hit with the fact that my bedroom is 3 times the size of a house that 4 people live in in Africa... not to mention that I have a bed, clothes in my closet, food in the refrigerator, and a car in my driveway. I am so grateful for these things, but sometimes I'm not sure what to do about the disparity I see between my life and theirs. I am fully confident that the people in Africa are happy and that the answer doesn't lie in putting carpeting in their house or putting an extension on their house. However, I do want to make sure that I'm not spending money on luxurious things for myself when some of my new friends can't afford to send their kids to school or feed their family. I'm definitely still processing things, and I hope to continue to struggle with these things and continue to be impacted by my time in Africa.

so happy to be back with these girls again! Thanks for coming up to visit!!



so good to be back with my sister again!

Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragement these 4 months. I am SO thankful for it!   

Change

As I am writing this, I am on a bus, leaving Iringa and headed for Dar. I have such mixed feelings… feelings of excitement to finally see my wonderful family and friends, yet a sadness for leaving a place that has so captured my heart. Somehow, there is a deep knowing inside of me that this will not be my last time in Africa. I’m not sure when or where the Lord will take me back, but I am confident that He still has plans for me here.

I couldn’t have asked for a better last day of school or last weekend here in Iringa. We had a little part y at school, and the students sang me the sweetest “Goodbye Stacy song”, gave me a t-shirt that they all signed, and made a very cute book for me. We ate cake and enjoyed our last time together. I’m going to miss my sweet students a lot.

the teachers that I worked with

On Saturday, the teachers were gracious enough to go on a 3 hour drive to Musoma, so I could fulfill my dreams of swimming in a waterfall in Africa. We had a lovely 10 km hike by the river complete with two guides- one leading with a machete and the other in the back with a gun. It all felt very adventurous, exotic, and daring… and that it was as we saw loads of elephant dung strewn along the path AND a COBRA AND A PYTHON!!! That’s right, a cobra AND a python. I would’ve walked right into the black cobra had our guide not stopped me. I know you’re supposed to act all calm and slowly move away, but I couldn’t help myself… I darted behind the man with a gun as fast as I could. We then saw the python on a rock, and THEN, he went in the water and swam. Did you know pythons could SWIM?! I had no idea, and I sure wish I found that out AFTER I fulfilled my life’s dream of swimming in a waterfall. But thankfully, the pythons stay away from the pounding of the waterfalls, so we had an incredible afternoon filled with showering under the falls, talking, having a picnic, and having some time with the Lord by the river. It was the perfect way to spend my last Saturday in Tanzania, so thanks to all those who made it happen!

I love African trees... so unique.

 Black cobra! This was after I felt I had maintained a safe distance

right before he plunged into the water. Sick!

this is elephant dung. It's huge!

I’ve been thinking about what it’s going to be like to adjust back to life in America, and here’s a list of some of the things I will have to adjust to (some will be quite easy to adjust to, others quite difficult!)

·         No longer being a celebrity

·         No longer having random men in the street confessing their undying love for me every single day.

·         Being able to drive… along with that driving on the right side of the road

·         Having a toilet that actually flushes

·         Having a hot shower

·         Not seeing people dancing and singing in the streets every day

·         Having reliable electricity

·         Not having random people in the streets telling me I’m beautiful (my self-esteem is going to take quite a blow when I get back to the states!)

·         Not getting hugs from random children

·         Not falling asleep to the sound of a mosquito buzzing in my ear or a chorus of dogs barking every single night. (at least I HOPE this is an adjustment I have to make!)

·         Not waking up to the rooster every morning

·         Not getting to go on hikes every weekend

·         Worshiping with a band

·         Not waking up to perfect weather every single day

·         Not having to wash my clothes by hand (Lord, thank you for washers!)

·         Being able to talk with people without half our conversation consisting of “Can you hear me?”

·         Huge grocery stores… well, stores in general

·         Being back in a materialistic culture

·         Being able to brush my teeth out of the faucet… wow!

·         The business of life in the States.

There are a lot of changes to take place. Sometimes, I think it will be like I’m stepping back through the wardrobe after being in Narnia… no time has passed, nothing’s changed, and it will all feel like a dream. No matter what changes lie ahead, I am so thankful to know that the Lord is constant, and He is the same God in Africa and in America. He is still faithful. He is still loving. He is still holy.

Well, I’ll be seeing you all VERY soon! Please ask me about my time in Africa… I’d LOVE to share about it with you!

In Him,
Stacy

Twice in a Week!

So, in order to make up for the last few weeks, I decided to do TWO blog posts in one week... pretty crazy, I know. Also, good news: I found someone who has the same size camera charger as I do, so I can take pictures now!!! I'm pretty excited about this.

This is my last week being at Iringa International School, and I'm trying to soak up every minute of it: spending time with the kids, taking long walks around the town, and eating chapattis and samosas. This week is filled with a lot of lasts. Some good, some bad. I was quite happy to finish washing my last load of laundry by hand, and I'll be quite happy to take my last cold shower. However, it will be hard to have my last walk along the dusty path to school, and it will be difficult to have my last day with my students.  

This past weekend, I went to a meeting site for kids sponsored through Compassion International with my new friend, Lydia (she's a Tanzanian woman who makes chapattis for the teachers at school... so good!). There were about 60 kids that met there. They sang songs, learned verses, and listened to a Bible story. It gave my heart SUCH joy to hear sweet African kids singing at the top of their lungs in worship to Jesus. It was a small piece of Smile, and I enjoyed it a lot. I've been going there every day after school this week, and I met two kids Musa and Hawa. We played soccer, learned the alphabet and shapes through drawing with sticks in the dirt, and sang songs together. I only wish that I would've known about this place sooner so that I could've gotten to know the kids more.

After hanging out witkids in the morning, Lydia and I spent time together. She just got a job at an international school about 8 hours away. We celebrated by getting pedicures... only $1.30 U.S. dollars :)

On Saturday afternoon, some of the teachers and I went to Kisalnsa where many of the families from school went on a camping trip. It was beautiful! It reminded me a little of Minnesota because there was a lake/pond and a forest. We also had a delicious meal at night... a nice little break from the African food. It's been so fun getting to know my students more outside of school... something I don't think I would have the opportunity to do so much in America.

On Sunday, I was walking to church, and this tiny, sickly-looking kitten was caught in a thorn bush. He was meowing like crazy, and I couldn't stand the sight of him caught in all those thorns, so I got two Africans to help me get him out (no worries mom and dad... I used paper to get him out. I didn't touch him!) The Africans were talking and laughing in Swahili. No need for translation: American girls are crazy. I named the kitten Francis and tried to give it milk, but it was too weak to drink it. It was so sad to watch. He was shaking violently and meowing. We set it under a tree and told him he would die with love. Later on, he disappeared. We like to think that some cat took him under its wing and nursed it back to health.

Only 6 more days in Iringa, and then I'll be going to the beach in Dar es Salaam for four days. I'm so thankful to have this time to reflect on all that the Lord's taught me here in Africa and to prepare myself to head back to the states. My friend said it well, "It will be like a honeymoon with Jesus." Yes it will be, and I'm looking forward to spending the time with my Beloved!

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in eway. The Lord be with all of you." -2 Thessalonians 3:16

Beholding Him

Bad news: my camera battery died, and I lost my charger. Hence, no pictures. For those of you that know me well know that I am an avid picture-taker and that I am quite disappointed about this.

Also, sorry it has been so long since I last blogged! The last two weeks, I have been teaching the entire class, so my life the last few weeks has consisted of school and writing lesson plans from sun-up to sun-down. Here are the updates on the only things in my life not related to lessons:

• I killed a humongous cockroach AND the biggest spider I have ever seen in my apartment last week. My Chacos have not only been useful for walking everywhere, but they make excellent bug killers! I would've taken a picture, but like I said, my camera battery is dead. I left the remains of the unwelcomed visitors in my apartment, and the next day, they disappeared. I soon found out the culprit was a mouse that had made its home in my apartment! I have seen Cinderella too many times to kill the mouse, but I did chase it away with a broom. 2 of my neighbors came over to help me with this, and it was quite the comical scene. I must say, killing all these bugs makes me feel quite brave and Africa womanish!
• The other day, I was in a meeting at school, and all of a sudden, we heard blood curdling screams outside. We rushed to the window and saw these two girls writhing on the ground in pain, throwing off their clothes, and repeatedly screaming. They were being SWARMED by bees. It was one of the most awful things I have ever watched. We finally got the girls inside, and we started pulling bees everywhere off their body as they just whimpered and cried. I guess in Africa, if one bee stings, it sends off a scent that alerts all of the other bees, so you end up getting attacked by hundreds of bees. Needless to say, I am now terrified of being stung by bees. 
• The other weekend, there was a church choir convention going on right outside my apartment. Their voices sounded beautiful, but they went from 5:00 am to 12:00 am. I don't know how they do it! The one thing I do know, is Tanzanians LOVE to sing.
• On Saturday, many of the teachers went on a 4 hour hike up to a cross on top of a mountain. It was absolutely beautiful! (the following pictures are taken from Megan's facebook... thanks Megan!)




sitting at the foot of the cross at the top

 



Some of the cute kids that followed us for a while on our hike yelling, "Mzungu!" How I'm going to miss that when I return back to the states.

Lately, I have been dwelling on Psalm 34:5, "Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." and Isaiah 60:5, "Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy..." I've been thinking what it looks like to truly behold the Lord's face... to be so enraptured by it that your entire being swells with joy and that you become radiant with the glory of His face. How do I stay in this mindset in the midst of planning for lessons, teaching, and spending time with people? All I know is that I want to behold His face. I want my heart to be set on His face, and to be captivated by His beauty at all times. 

This is an excerpt from a sermon by Charles Spurgeon. It convicts and challenges me, and I hope that it can do the same for you. It's about being a good soldier of Christ (and is actually what we shared a little bit of with the prisoners in Uganda.)

 

"The Christian soldier not only acknowledges Jesus to be his King, but his heart is full of loving devotion

to Him as such. Nothing can make his heart leap like the mention of that august, that more than royal name. He remembers who Jesus is, the Son of God, “the Wonderful, the Counselor, the Mighty God.” He remembers what Jesus did, how He loved him, and gave Himself for him. He looks to the Cross and remembers the streams of blood whereby he was redeemed, even when they were enemies of God. He remembers Christ in Heaven, enthroned at the right hand of the Father.

He loves Him there, and it ravishes his heart to think that God has highly exalted the once-despised and rejected One, and given Him a name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow, of things in Heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth. He pants for the time when the Crucified shall come in His Glory, and rule the nations as their liege Lord. He loves Jesus so that he feels he belongs to Him altogether, bought with His blood, redeemed by His power, and comforted by His Presence. He delights to know that he is not his own, for he is bought with a price. And since he loves his King, and loves Him with an ardor unquenchable—for many waters cannot drown his love, neither can the floods quench it." -Charles Spurgeon

(If you want to read the rest of the sermon, here's the link! http://www.spurgeongems.org/vols16-18/chs938.pdf)

Also, for anyone else who wants to be challenged in their faith, check out the videos here. They're short videos and are a great way to start off the day! www.ellerslie.com/Bravehearted_Thots.html

That is my prayer for myself and for you, that we will behold the Lord's face and that our hearts will be ravished by Him, by His glory, by His sacrifice, and by His love.

Love and miss you all... but I will be seeing you in 2 WEEKS!